Wednesday, July 23, 2008

All that I am.

Mondays Musical Musings... 8#

A story inspired ( or begun) by listening to:

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

All that I am All that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes , they are all that I can see.

This story explores Amys faith and depth of love - characters from :

This story unfolds during the time of Josephs capture.

Smeared in mud, tear streaking down her cheeks, Amy stumbled her way through the overgrown fields towards the tiny township. She had always drawn strength from Joseph and now unsure if he even lived, she felt her will being sapped away. Where was her God now? A merciful God, the one the catholic sisters at school had penetrated into her psyche, would never have allowed this horror to happen to missionaries doing His work. Tripping over a hillock, Amy landed with a thud and lay on the ground sobbing.

So many things left unsaid. They thought they had the rest of their lives to say them and now this. The gunshots still rung in her ears. His panicked face as he was dragged out of the dilapidated jeep and forced onto the ground while the rebels pillaged their goods. It had happened so fast. One moment joking and planning their next few years with the mission school, the next torn apart. Amy had believed she had a great faith and had left her decisions to God and to prayer. In one moment, her faith was shaken to its foundations. How could God allow something so horrific to happen to the perfect couple?

Amy lay in the mid looking skyward. It seemed pointless to go to the authorities. Joseph was most likely dead now, the supplies and the jeep far into he rebels territory. She was a foreigner and a Christian in this wild land and no-one would care. Joseph had constantly told her that he loved her but she could not bring those words to her lips. Perhaps it was her strict catholic upbringing, or her overbearing segregated schooling overshadowing her ability to express how she truly felt. It had always seemed a sin to her to love someone more than she loved God.

The sky was the same hue as his eyes. If she just lay her for a bit longer, she was sure she felt Josephs presence; his warmth and love sweeping over her. She realized that all that she was and ever was; was there in his perfect eyes. Perhaps if she just lay her for a few more moments, God would take her life and sweep her into his arms; away from the pain.

Always in control, always with an answer, calm and collected; Amy’s head ruled her body and her heart, but in this moment, she had no answers; only pain and confusion. In the past, they had not needed anything or anyone – doing it all for themselves, never asking for help or relying on others.

She looked deeper into the sky… and in the eyes of God. In a spit second she saw that this was not as God had intended. No loving God would wish constant struggle for his children nor should they try to do things alone. His was a message of love and community. She cursed Satan for sending his minions in the form of the rebels and for tempting her away from the true path.

“I need your grace to find my own.., help me Lord.” Amy prayed.

Joseph would not have wanted her to give up, to go home and leave the mission without direction or qualified teachers. It would be his legacy she would dedicate the rest of her life to building understanding and love for God through her teachings.

Amy wiped her streaked face and sat up. It would be a hot trek back to town, but she would find a way to replace the stolen goods and continue the work that Joseph and she had begun.

It was the least she could do in his memory.