Friday, September 3, 2010

Albert est Mortuus

A small black nose wrinkled delicately and raised one nostril at a time; deeply breathing inward; analysing the atmosphere at it went.
“Short sniffs.... and move about more with your nose on the ground.” 
The dog shook its head and scratched one of its ears, careful not to dislodge the coms unit, but roughly enough that the sender would endure a few moments of hissing and scratching. His tawny eyes darted about the small yard. Seeing nothing amiss, he grinned lopsidedly as the barrage of ‘taking care of Empire property” began. 
Once the tirade had finished, Sirus growled non committally  and began sniffing round in a more naturalistic manner.  He pricked his ears as he hear the sloppy shuffling of pudgy feet squeezed into worn slippers across the clipped lawn next door. The tall wooden fence rattled as a stick ran across the palings. Alberts slippers sloshed their way up and down the fence, the sturdy stick dragging behind his limp hand. The noise stopped momentarily.
“Come on you little bugger  Just a few sessions and you are out of this neighbourhood for good.”  The stick began to pound at the other side of the fence.
“You’d better bark.”
Sirus’s shoulders slumped as he woofed half heartedly. 
May I remind you that there are plenty of other operatives who would have given their right paws to be on Earth right now? Pick up your show or we will be pulling you out pronto.”
Curling his lips back, Sirus snarled and rushed the fence, froth splattering the wood as he bit and chewed at the palings.
“Are you getting this Linda?”  Albert hopped from one foot to the other in delight and shouted over his shoulder. “Linda?  You there? ” Albert poked his stick through the fence, wriggling it ineffectually at Sirus who responded with more growling. 
Smiling, Albert rattled the fence again and scratched his extended stomach with the stick. He peered through the broken palings at the furry mass of fury.
“Yeah, what you going to do about it mutt?” as he poked the stick toward him again.
Sirus barked furiously and rushed the fence.
Albert straightened and griped his back. “Oh me back. Linda? You useless excuse…. Linda? Tell me you have pressed the right button and not deleted something ?Do I have to do everything?”
Albert poked the stick hard through the fence and stalked back to the house grumbling.
Sirus engaged his laser beam system with the flick of a claw and narrowed the range onto the bulky behind of Albert as he strode towards his doorway. A flop of shaggy hair obscured his vision, but with a shake of his head, Sirus shifted it and crouched under the fence line ready to initiate his inbuilt weaponry. 
“Halt. You are commissioned to observe humans not to annihilate him.”
Sirus shook his head again, growled but disengaged the lasers.
He gave a final bark and slunk off into the shadows of the bushes. “Once this is over, promise me you will let me destroy his lair.”
“Thats a negative, Sirus. The way you are going, you’ll be in psych the whole way back home. You’ll be luck to be let out on another mission.” 
Sirus poked his head out into the fading sunshine and stared up and down the empty street. “This human is obviously a predator and needs to be taken out. I’ll be doing this area a favour.”
“Thats not your brief. Observe, collect information and return.”
Sirus’s paw pulled a bone closer to him. He began to tear at the stringy tendons clutching to the bone. “The food here is terrible. The sooner I get out of here the better.”
The distinct noise of a latch disengaging made Siruses ears prick. 
A high pitched shriek emitted between the security bars of Alberts bathroom. “No.  please. I never showed anyone. Its just for me.  Just for me.”
Sirus pressed his body against the cracked palings and tried to wriggle his head through the hole. His ears detected the unmistakable sound of the meaty slap of steel sinking into flesh. He barked, growling and ripping at the fence.
“Permission to enter perimeter Control?”
“Thats a negative. Enemy will outnumber you. If you engage you are jeopardising our mission. Your orders are to observe, now pull back.”
The creaky screen door behind him protested as it opened. Cheryl lit a cigarette and adjusted her trackpants a little higher.
“Shuddup ya stupid mutt!”
An old shoe hit the fence beside Sirus as he heard the sound of heavy biological mass hitting a tiled floor.  Further noises of wooden implements bashing into generous mounds of flesh followed with weakened grunting.
He barked and whined at Cheryl as her blank eyes stared across the suburban rooftops. Another motheaten object landed beside him. “Shuddup you fleabag. Maybe Albert is right. You need putting down, you psycho hound.”  She flicked her cigarette butt onto the cracked cement paving, allowing its tiny smouldering mass to nestle amongst a pile of other victims. 
The thick smell of blood wafted through Alberts bathroom window, barred and locked. The cameras continued to capture images of a dogs frantic barking, slathered up into a frenzy.
Another creaky door opened further up the semi detatched apartment block. 
“Oi Cheryl, shut your damned dog up. Can’t believe old Alberts let him go on this long.”
Cheryl waved her bottle of beer in the air at her neighbour and gave a sharp whistle. “Thanks Dez. Albert must be out. Old bastard. Might put me music up loud till he gets back.” She whistled again and slammed the door as she went inside.
Sirus howled and continued to bark at the fence until a highpitched shriek from his comms unit paralysed him.
Obey that whistle or your furry but will be hauled up so fast your ears will flap back.”
Sirus growled and slunk off into the house behind Cheryl. He turned to stare at the broken fence and home beyond it. The whimpering next door had stopped. He could hear Alberts assailants riffling through the collection of surveillance DVDs. Sirus sniffed. Now doubt that steady flow of blood had begun to seep onto Alberts cream carpets.
Am requesting immediate transport. Subject is deceased. There is nothing further we can learn from humans or their territorial behaviours here.”
“Affirmative Sirus. Pick up details are being formulated. The team looks forward to speaking with you muzzle to muzzle shortly.”


Story inspired by the [Fiction Friday] prompt at Write Anything and submitted to JM Strother’s #FridayFlash  via Twitter - as well as to  Writing Adventure Group.

Prompt - Kill Albert from Doggone


A Writer's Vein said...

Hahaha I love it... YOU should have gone to the SciFi conference too. A fun and unexpected take on the story - goes to show imagination has no bounds and that the men in black are still out there.

John Pender said...

Cujo meets Terminator. Eerily enough, this is the same feeling I get from pit bulls.

iasa said...

I love the fact that even though there is an alien dog living next door, Albert dies at the hands of a human. Very entertaining.

Laura Rachel Fox said...

A unique take. It was interesting that Albert himself is the subject of surveillance. I like the perspective of the alien dog and the fact that everyone in the neighborhood is too wrapped up in their own drama to notice.

Who killed Albert & why? Nice little bit of mystery there.

Jason Coggins said...

Weird-ass android spy canines you should have let him denote Albert's fat ass!

I also think "Oh me back. Linda?" makes for a great catchphrase if Albert is ever resurrected for a sitcom.

Adam Byatt said...

What a great way to take on the prompt. Loved the sci-fi. Glad to see Albert got it good.

Eileen Andrews said...

That crack's me up. I've got the Cats vs. Dogs movie in my head with an image of a beagle wearing a head piece. LOL

Shelli said...

Haha! I liked how you explored one of Albert's victims in a very unusual way. Loved it.

AidanF said...

Amusing, it will make me think of the next pit bull attack entirely differently. Nice premise.

Stacey said...

I want more of the alien dogs!

Icy Sedgwick said...

Certainly an interesting take on the idea! Made me think a little of the 'Cats & Dogs' movies. I wouldn't be surprised if the little buggers ARE watching us...