Friday, October 15, 2010
“ You must be Madam Mild?”
“its Madam M now… I’ve dropped the last word from the name. Its snappier.”
The biro ticked the name off the list punctuating the silence in the boardroom. She waved the newest member into a seat at the far end of the table.
“All here and accounted for. Now,” The neatly attired woman, brandishing her list and biro at the seated members around the table, glaring at each in turn. “What are we going to do about this?” She shot a buff coloured manila folder down the table. All eyes followed it along its path till it stopped, perfectly in front of where the new arrival sat.
“If I’m not mistaken this is the work of Beryl?” Madam mild looked enquiringly across the table. Everyone opened the portfolios in front of them and stared at the neatly collated news clippings. A low murmur of appreciation filtered around the table.
Beryl flushed. “Thanks, just another one of my talents, or ‘powers’,” she emphasised with her fingers punctuating the word, “ I’ve recently discovered.”
“And there you go again. We are all missing the point. Its time that we were given more of the lime light. Our powers are just as important as theirs.”
A timid cardigan clad arm raised. “ P, I have to agree, I mean how useful is flying to anyone?”
“Exactly what I am saying, the fact you can open any pickle jar you are given. Now thats a power worth having.”
“Absolutely, all that posturing around saving someones life. Those super heros have alot ot answer for.”
“No one appreciates our powers! Damn that Batgirl, Wonderwoman, the so called Miss Marvel. I’ll bet under their skin tight lycra everything is sagging, and they are only wearing the lycra because it a some sort of in built scaffolding powers.”
Heads nodded around the table.
Miss Possibly Peeved clicked her remote, initiating the powerpoint presentation. “If everyone turns to the back page or look at the screen. Even the bad guys get more coverage than us. Where is the fairness there?”
Another arm raised. “Do you think its our names?”
“What are you saying Mr Optimism?”
“I don’t think the common folk take us seriously.”
“Thanks Mr Optimism. I couldn't have done a better introduction if I’d tried. Everyone knows my husband? Darling, you can take it from here.” Miss Possibly Peeved sat down and intermeshed her fingers, placing them under her chin and watched in admiration as her partner stood to address the group.
Slightly Miffed Man creased the sheet in front of him. Everyone gasped at the intensity of the action.
He fumbled with is glasses as he took them off, carefully laying them on the table before staring at the congregated Very Mild Superpowered heros . “I say we join the other side. The goody two shoes don’t want us to help, so we may as well have some fun.”
They all gasped theatrically.
“So who do you think we should contact first?”
He smiled, “We don’t bother. Look what I found on the internet. “The Evil Overlords Handbook” he nodded to his wife to change the slide on the presentation and directed all eyes to the screen.
“It details all the problems and mistakes that the bad guys have made in the past. Follow this and we are assured respect.”
“You mean, use our powers for evil.”
Slightly Miffed Man rubbed hands together, “Thats right Squeeze. Now, brainstorm people ;-what are our powers and how can we mis-use them?”
“well, mine is always being able to find the remote.”
“I always have paired socks - even if I put one odd sock into the washing.”
“I always get green lights when driving.”
“Mine is always finding a park at the front of the shops.”
“I have the ability to get last squeeze out of tube of toothpaste or mayonnaise bottles.”
“Madam Mild, you are being very quiet over there.”
Smiling, she closed the folio in front of her. “Please, its Madam M now. I’m simply waiting for the plan. You do have one Slightly Miffed Man?”
“Indeed I do Madam M. I followed the plans in the back of the book for a Power Augmenter. If you all will indulge me in a little demo?”
He waited for nods of agreement before opening a plastic bag and tipping out some brand new paired socks. Slightly Miffed Man then flourished each pair theatrically to the gathering and undid each, placing them into a clear plastic bowl on the bench.
“As you can see, brand new pairs of socks. I’ve just unpaired them and placed them into the bowl, which if you can imagine, is the washing machine in a suburban house. Now Paired Socks Dude, please stand in front of the bowl and wait until I tell you to empty the bowl out to find your pairs of socks.”
Paired Socks Dude pushed himself from the table and ambled over; frowning as he came closer. “Umm, you may have misunderstood my powers? I always find paired socks, even if there were different coloured socks in that bowl, I will always get a pair. What you got there is hardly going to demonstrate my powers.”
“Just stand there.” Slightly Miffed flicked a switch on the lazer gun he held and pointed it at Paired Socks Dude. An astonishing nothing happened as silence filled the room. He flciked the swtich off and grinned. “Now, please pair those sock in the plastic bowl.”
Wide incredulous eyes were glued to the bowl as the Dude tipped the socks onto the table; only to find a mass of coloured, patterned and textured socks tumble out.
Brandishing the Augmenter, Slightly Miffed grinned. “Not one sock will match another. This is the power we now wield.” He nodded at Miss Possibly Peeved, who strode over to the door and unlocked it.
A creaking trolly trundled its ways slowly in. “Hazel, our tea lady has a gift of one of these for you all, as well as a nice cup of tea. Cause havoc and see we don’t get the recognition for our powers now!”
Slightly Miffed Man cackled, croaked and doubled in a fit of coughing. Miss Possibly Peeved thumped him on the back making soothing noises. He smiled weakly at her. “Yeah, I might need to work on my evil laugh.”