Friday, June 18, 2010

When Boys Play Battles

This draft has been taken offline in order for it to be submitted to the Best Of Friday Flash – Volume 2 .


I've renamed it "Boys Who Play Battles."


Wish me Luck!

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Story inspired by the [Fiction Friday] prompt at Write Anything and submitted to JM Strother’s #FridayFlash  via Twitter - as well as to  Writing Adventure Group.

"Prompt - A signal is misinterpreted ........"

13 comments:

newtowritinggirl said...

That really is a signal misinterpreted! I found it a bit hard to get into, but you finished it brilliantly.

Laura Rachel Fox said...

Great piece. You seem to have a good grasp on life in the military and it came across genuine. Would like to see the ensuing disaster.

Deanna Schrayer said...

Quite believable dialogue here. As Laura said, you seem to have a good grasp on military life.

Uncle Tee said...

I agree with all the other commenters on the military grasp. It was an interesting take on the prompt. I found this prompt to be tough this week but you handled it nicely.

Mine:
http://uncleteebooks.blogspot.com/2010/06/fiction-friday-june-18-2010.html

Terry Haferkamp said...

I take it they are playing Battle Ship. "You sank my battleship." You do a wonderful job setting up the military setting and desert enviroment. Such a clever Idea and cute.

Shelli said...

Very clever take on the prompt. I liked it. Like newtowriting girl, I did find it a little hard to follow, because I'm not familiar with the military stuff or the game they are playing. Maybe a tiny bit more exposition for those of us not in the know. But great dialogue and fun story overall!

Jodi Cleghorn said...

I was howling with laughter when it hit me they were playing battleship... and why not!

I had not trouble getting into it - having read/watched enough quasi military stuff. If anything I think the four times passed over officer could possible have spoken a little harsher. Though you get that he's a frustrated (perhaps jumped up) individual.

And this contrasts well against the more laconic conversation of the two guys down in the bunker playing battleship. Nothing like some sea tactics in the middle of the desert!

Oh if only to be a fly on the wall when this all goes/went down... ahhh!

John Pender said...

I love the fact they were real soldiers playing Battleship to pass the time.

Icy Sedgwick said...

Oh I love this!!! Wonderful last line. Great dialogue, too. Felt very genuine.

Melissa L. Webb said...

Great story. I think was neat, see them do something as mudane as playing Battleship, while being in that setting. Very nice dialogue.

Eileen Andrews said...

I agree your interpretation of military was spot on.
Very funny.

Girl Fren" said...

You had me completely fooled. Excellent use of detail and deception. Sounded exactly like my guys playing BATTLESHIP. Nice work.

mickeyhoffman said...

Good one! I was thinking along completely different lines!