Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Pain in Waiting

Prompt: The keys opened every door in the house, except the small wooden on at the end of the hall.

This story has been removed for further editing and refining.. Hopefully it will be submitted to competitions and perhaps an Anthology...


thanks for popping by when it WAS up.. and leaving your comments



Sketch in response to prompt and story in response to sketch. More of Annies Art here

14 comments:

Y.F.N. Palindrome aka Hannah said...

that was so hearbreaking. Great job!

Cascade Lily said...

A parent's worst nightmare chillingly told. I like the way you drew in response to the prompt and that then formed your own personal prompt.

Laetitia :-) said...

Like the car driver who takes a risk that kills their passenger but not them or the person who leaves a tool out that seriously injures someone not watching where they walk, one wonders how those whose momentary inattention leads to such grief deal with the aftermath. Great writing.

Adam Byatt said...

The topic is such a gut wrenching one for any parent and it was carefully woven to give that insight into a parent's mind. It breaks my heart.
The imagery of the hospital provided a great contrast to the emotion and state of mind of the main character and her perception of people's response to her.

Chris Chartrand said...

Damn Annie, I had to catch my breath by the end. What a frightening tale. I think two people died that day.

NewToWritingGirl said...

That's so horribly touching. It's written so well I actually want to cry now.

Kim Batchelor said...

Very lyrical and chilling at the same time. Very sad because it is very real.

Christine Fonseca said...

great job with the prompt. Heartwrenching

Jen Brubacher said...

Oh, no-- it's made all the more tragic that she was trying to be responsible, environmentally. What a heartbreaking story. And nicely written in the dreamlike way it reveals everything.

Dark Angel said...

Great piece. I like the way it gradually becomes clear what happened without it being explained literally. This is something I have trouble with.
My story can be found at: http://angelsscribblings.blogspot.com/2010/03/through-new-eyes.html

Tony Noland said...

You've painted the tragedy very well; such things do happen, and they are an everyday kind of horror.

Leah Saylor-Abney said...

I enjoyed how you worked the environmental cause into the story. That really makes it hit home with the reader since so many people nowadays want to "go green." Nice!

Carrie said...

I think this is my first visit to your turf dear lady. This was heart-wrenching, detailed and just about perfect. Excellent, excellent job here.

Scath said...

Powerful punch this story packs. Well done!