PROMPT: For the last nine years a wife has forgotten her husband’s birthday. The tenth time, he snaps…
This story has been removed for further editing and refining.. Hopefully it will be submitted to competitions and perhaps an Anthology...
thanks for popping by when it WAS up.. and leaving your comments
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Flash Fiction
This site is used to capture first drafts of Flash Fiction.
Any deemed worthy enough of a second glance will be pulled down to polish and hone to present to my editors and beta readers; and then perhaps submitted to competitions, anthology call outs or the like.
Your feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome.
My work is protected under the Creative Commons Licence. If you'd like to use it - just contact me.
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Copyright © Underground 2 and Annie Evett . All rights reserved.
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14 comments:
Oh what an existence. Great details: the mold on the lip of the cup, the ants... very sad and spooky. Excellent story.
They are good detail. It starts off a normal couple and gets darker and darker. I like it!
Reading your story made me realise I need to put a lot more detail into my stories.
forgytan, from an old english word meaning "passing by, letting go" ... just thought you'd like to know - and thanks for the comments!!
Excellent little details throughout this piece. Loved how you made the reveal that she didn't exist! Welcome to #fridayflash!
Gosh I'm slow to get things sometimes- at first I wondered why Shona keeps going around the kitchen, and then I linked the little hints you'd left throughout and realised that they're not your usual couple- fab!! Do you do any brainstorming before you start to write or do you just write and then the ideas come? It's a very clever piece of writing and very well written- I love the descriptions- you get a real sense of place and like Jen said it does have a creepy, or 'spooky' feel to it. Can't wait for next week's!!
I love the level of detail in your stories. I wish I could think that vividly the first go around.
The rotting rope knotted to secure the seat barely clung the two together. Desperation and the fear of separation seemed to be the only thing linking them.
I believe this says more about the story than anything else. Awesome the way you pulled everything around this. Great story.
Good details supporting the mood, and nice flow into darker territory.
-David G Shrock
Nice take on this writing prompt. I like the deflection too - I wanted to know more about the accident, so you had me completely sidetracked! The missing apostrophes throughout this piece did bother me a bit, but you can call me pedantic if you like :D
Nice take on this writing prompt. I like the deflection too - I wanted to know more about the accident, so you had me completely sidetracked! The missing apostrophes throughout this piece did bother me a bit, but you can call me pedantic if you like :D
Far out - you do it again Annie. Brilliant!!
I agree with Terry about the rope swing - it immediately jumped out as a very savvy use of descriptive narrative.
Loved the slow but steady descent from what seems to be normality (made more so by the description of a seemly every day existence outside) into a far darker and sinister story.
You must do a rewrite of this and send it somewhere. Pow Fast Fiction are open for submissions at the mo http://powfastflashfiction.com/
I intend to bug you until you do so!!
Loved your story. Spooky and oh so sad.
Welcome to #fridayflash Annie!
I love the slow burn of this. Reading the descriptions of the kitchen made me feel grimy, like I needed a shower.
Not your usual complement, I know but at least it's sincere.
thanks so much everyone
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