Friday, January 29, 2010

Forgytan

PROMPT: For the last nine years a wife has forgotten her husband’s birthday. The tenth time, he snaps…


This story has been removed for further editing and refining.. Hopefully it will be submitted to competitions and perhaps an Anthology...


thanks for popping by when it WAS up.. and leaving your comments

14 comments:

Jen B said...

Oh what an existence. Great details: the mold on the lip of the cup, the ants... very sad and spooky. Excellent story.

Newtowritinggil said...

They are good detail. It starts off a normal couple and gets darker and darker. I like it!
Reading your story made me realise I need to put a lot more detail into my stories.

Annie said...

forgytan, from an old english word meaning "passing by, letting go" ... just thought you'd like to know - and thanks for the comments!!

Laura Eno said...

Excellent little details throughout this piece. Loved how you made the reveal that she didn't exist! Welcome to #fridayflash!

rose said...

Gosh I'm slow to get things sometimes- at first I wondered why Shona keeps going around the kitchen, and then I linked the little hints you'd left throughout and realised that they're not your usual couple- fab!! Do you do any brainstorming before you start to write or do you just write and then the ideas come? It's a very clever piece of writing and very well written- I love the descriptions- you get a real sense of place and like Jen said it does have a creepy, or 'spooky' feel to it. Can't wait for next week's!!

vivi said...

I love the level of detail in your stories. I wish I could think that vividly the first go around.

terryhaferkamp said...

The rotting rope knotted to secure the seat barely clung the two together. Desperation and the fear of separation seemed to be the only thing linking them.

I believe this says more about the story than anything else. Awesome the way you pulled everything around this. Great story.

Draco Torre said...

Good details supporting the mood, and nice flow into darker territory.
-David G Shrock

Cascade Lily said...

Nice take on this writing prompt. I like the deflection too - I wanted to know more about the accident, so you had me completely sidetracked! The missing apostrophes throughout this piece did bother me a bit, but you can call me pedantic if you like :D

Cascade Lily said...

Nice take on this writing prompt. I like the deflection too - I wanted to know more about the accident, so you had me completely sidetracked! The missing apostrophes throughout this piece did bother me a bit, but you can call me pedantic if you like :D

jodicleghorn said...

Far out - you do it again Annie. Brilliant!!

I agree with Terry about the rope swing - it immediately jumped out as a very savvy use of descriptive narrative.

Loved the slow but steady descent from what seems to be normality (made more so by the description of a seemly every day existence outside) into a far darker and sinister story.

You must do a rewrite of this and send it somewhere. Pow Fast Fiction are open for submissions at the mo http://powfastflashfiction.com/

I intend to bug you until you do so!!

Cathy Olliffe said...

Loved your story. Spooky and oh so sad.

Chris Chartrand said...

Welcome to #fridayflash Annie!

I love the slow burn of this. Reading the descriptions of the kitchen made me feel grimy, like I needed a shower.

Not your usual complement, I know but at least it's sincere.

Annie said...

thanks so much everyone