Friday, October 1, 2010

Lonely in Paradise

This story has been removed for further editing and refining.. Hopefully it will be submitted to competitions and perhaps an Anthology...

thanks for popping by when it WAS up.. and leaving your comments



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Prompt - The theme of this weeks story is "Lonely in Paradise"

Story inspired by the [Fiction Friday] prompt at Write Anything and submitted to JM Strother’s #FridayFlash  via Twitter. This story will be recorded and posted up for Spoken Sunday via Audio Boo

10 comments:

Laura Rachel Fox said...

You've created such an emotional piece. I was overcome by the loneliness and sense of hopelessness in your MC at the beginning. And I was just as elated at the prospect of others, even if it was a simple skiff with only two passengers. You managed to break my heart when she realized the men were dead.

Lovely description of the island as well.

Writers Vein said...

What is it about the sea that more folk can imagine it being lonely - its the isolation I think - your piece delivered there. I also related to the human condition of embarrassment creeping into even a great moment of salvation. Seldom do we have clear emotion and you captured these mixed ones adroitly. Thanks.

John Pender said...

Wow, I was totally expecting a rescue. My kind of ending indeed.

Jason Coggins said...

Cunning and creepy. I liked how the implications of a three-way tryst popped shamefully into mind before being dispelled by the lovers fate. A year alone would certainly set most men and their imaginations working over time ... even to the point of getting turned on by sail's as fisher woman's undergarments!

Steve Green said...

Very atmospheric, and quite chilling at the end.

afullnessinbrevity said...

What a great, twisted ending. You have created a deep sense of loneliness in the character.
Sorry I haven't been around to read and comment lately. Somewhat busy :)
Adam B @revhappiness

John Wiswell said...

Listened to this one tonight. Like many folks from the U.S., any accent sounds lovely to me. But yo have a genuinely lovely voice. It did not chill me, but I thought twining them up in the ending was clever.

Stacey said...

Lovely Annie, created beautiful emotion in this one. I hope your MC can use the boat to escape paradise now.

Melissa said...

Very interesting. I didn't expect what they would find and would have been freaked out if I were in their shoes. I like how gracefully they handled it and went on their way.

A. S. Boudreau said...

Very chilling to the core.
I could also picture this so clearly in my mind as I read it. Well done!