Thursday, August 28, 2008

Flinched Future




Dialogue Bits


This weeks Friday Fiction required some preparation and was a lot harder to do than Iinitially thought.

Step 1. Go to a busy locale—a cafe or coffee shop would be easiest. Sit down with a notebook, and make sure you look busy, so people don’t know you’re listening. Now write down random snips of their conversations. Don’t take whole lines or even sentences—just a few words here and there. Try to get 10 bits.

Step 2. Now use all 10 in a cohesive scene of dialogue.

I was surprised how little you can actually pick up if attempting to eavesdrop. I found that people on mobiles had much more interesting conversations to steal. I felt like a spy and this feeling prompted me to set the scene for my story – more or less.

Here are the conversations I picked up – in order of how I heard them.

* Get him to load up the colour tabs

* Its past it

* It threatened Toms position

* I don’t understand, they work everyday together and she just won’t speak to him

* The sanitizer is not working and it makes it so much harder for us now

* It’s a whole new upright world

* I want it all here

* This is really real. Oh now look where shes headed now

* But I saw her holding it

* I’m getting concerned about the lack of activity

* Everythings ok

* You are going to get a big surprise out of this.


Flinched Future


Kip pressed her body tightly to the wall listening for following footfalls. Hearing none she breathed a sigh of relief and allowed her body to relax. Tiz was breathing hard and visibly shaking. They should never have attempted such a foolhardy mission with so few operatives. She whispered to Tiz, “The sanitizer is not working and it makes it so much harder for us now”

Tiz nodded and agreed. “Its past it”

They breathed hard from their escape, their hearts still hammering in their chests.

“I’m getting concerned about the lack of activity” Kip began. “I don’t understand, they work everyday together and she just won’t speak to him”

Shrugging Tiz replied “It threatened Toms position”

Still confused, Kip continued, “But I saw her holding it”

Slightly frowning and holding a finger to her lips to silence the chatter, Tiz furtively checked around the corner then mouthed, “Everythings ok.”

A blackclad figure appeared further up in the dimly lit corridor. Usti confidently held a tiny stun ray and motioned with it for them to follow.

Tiz and Kip exchanged horrified looks as they followed the tiny figure into the control room.

“This is really real. Oh now look where shes headed now?”

They stepped over the crumpled body of an screen operator laying the doorway. Usti stood grinning, caressing the miniature gun.

“You are going to get a big surprise out of this.” She said

Untangled the wires around her waist and detached the timing devices from under her jacket she motioned to the girls as they stood gawking, “I want it all here”

As they quickly unloaded their gear, attaching it to consoles and into the mass of blinking lights on the control board, Usti pressed the communicator in her ear, “Get him to load up the colour tabs”

The lights dimmed on cue and the mechanical sound from the shop floor began to make a different more sinister sound.

Usti spread her arms wide and laughed out loud. “It’s a whole new upright world”

7 comments:

Annie said...

That is a really good writing exercise. Thanks for sharing.

keith hillman said...

This is great! I found this quite a difficult prompt, but your post is completely seemless. Great read

Kay said...

Wow... Great job!

I really enjoyed it!

Mirriam said...

Well done! Very imaginative and it all flows very well. Quite a tough prompt :-)

Neshamah said...

big smiles...

Fay said...

Hello Annie. A very nice job done by you with this blog. I am happy to let you know that after reviewing "Annies Musings", I have added it to Blogging Women.

I want to thank you for submitting your blog and appreciate all your hard work.

Jodi Cleghorn said...

This was so wonderfully woven together I had to go back to re-read the snippets to see what they were.

My belated effort is http://jodicleghorn.blogspot.com/2008/09/repatriation.html Too late to bother linking through Write Stuff.

Oh the mundane and the amazing that people talk about. And I had no idea that I said the thing about the upright world!