Saturday, May 17, 2008

Three Little Pigs

Prompt:


Pick a favorite fairy tale or legend. Now briefly describe how you could update it to the modern day.......

Once upon a time – as all good fairy tales begin…..

Ms Pigge stepped over the sprawling bodies of two of her sons and turned off the TV.. She picked up the empty pizza boxes, cleared up the spilt icecream and coke cans and started to tidy away the playstation they have fallen asleep in front of. The front door opened and her third son, lurched in yelling profanities to his friends in the taxi.

Instead of sighing and turning away as she normally did, Ms Pigge tipped the contents of the coke over one son and threw the rubbish in her and at the other.

“Get up you lazy slobs” she screamed. “ I am sick of being treated this way. Pack your things and get out.”

Two weary heads looked at her quizzically. The potty mounthed lads mouth hung slack.

“What, like for good?” one hesitatingly asked.

Ms Pigges face was red, “For good! Get out and get your own homes. I can’t stand to live in they sty any longer”

The three lads had never seen their usually calm, open minded mother in such a state and without question went upstairs and gathered a backpack each and stuffed some belongings inside. As they passed their mother on the doorstep, she burst into tears.

“Its for the best, my dears.You need to find your own feet. I’ll come and visit when you are settled. Here” and with that she thrust a small envelope of cash into each hand and slammed the door.

“Well” reasoned the recently sobered up Bill,” We need to find some digs of our own.

“Huh”, sneered Harry, “You’re going to be right. Mr Corporate Lawyer with all the money. Mum was right in chucking you out. You should have had your own place years ago instead of making her slave over your laundry and dinners.”

Bill swung at Harry and comically missed, spinning around dizzily.

“Far out” drawled dreadlocked Dave. “ I ‘m going to go and join my mates. They have come across a really cheap way to build houses and they’ve set up a commune. We’ll be sharing the love” He leered dreaming of all the hippy chicks who’d fall at his feet once he’d built his own straw bale home.

Harry gave Bill a push. “I’ve already got investments of my own. In fact I was leaving home soon anyway.”

Bill laughed, “Good luck with your Stix Inc rubbish. You’ll never get it passed through the World Office of Legal Facilities.”

The three brothers parted on uneasy terms and set about building their homes and lives away from each other.

Harry threw himself into completing the development of Stix; a revolutionary building product utilsing recycled plastics. He was determined that his show home would pave the way for cheaper and more sustainable housing for the masses.

Dave didn’t bother reading any of the research or manuals on straw bale constructions. It seemed to him that it was as simple as building a lego house. After gaining the blessings of the commune members, he had constructed a rudimentary home and set about getting wireless internet connections so that he could continue with his smoking, drinking, gaming and gambling. Sadly, the hippy chicks didn’t eventuate , but he was happy on his laptop, so life passed pleasantly for him.

Bill researched the capital growth patterns of the suburbs and spent many weeks inspecting homes, before deciding to purchase land and employing a top builder to construct his dream home in recycled bricks and local stone.

Many months later, William Baad checked his blackberry for his list of inspections for the week. He frowned when the address of the hippy commune polluted his vision once again. He pulled out the necessary paperwork from his portfolio and drove to the front gates of the commune.

He got out of the car and waved his papers at the squint eyed lad in the hammock. “ You’ve got some new homes in there Bradley. You know they have to pass the WOLF inspections.”

Bradley perked up a little.” They’re all kosher, dude. We do workshops now. Everyone is all worded up on the legalities.”

“Well that may well be, but I have to inspect. Let me in.”

Bradley pressed a button and the electronic gates swung open to allow William in.

Two houses down- perfectly constructed and matching every criteria William could pull from his enormous by laws bible. He stalked up to Daves tattered, moth eaten shack, rubbed his hands in glee and rapped on the door. He didn’t have to even start and inspection to know this rubbish heap was in total violation of every code in his precious book.

“Mr Pigge, Mr Pigge, let me come in. I am Officer Baad from WOLF.” William announced holding up his credentials.

“Yo Dude,No way.” Came the reply.

“Then I am a afraid by the power invested in me by WOLF, your unstable and illegal dwelling will be blown into the winds of the past. You now need to accompany me to the courts. You are under arrest.”

His words filled the empty space, for Dave had scampered out the hole in the back wall and began searching for a listing on his phone for his brother.

Upon finding no-one still on the premises, William ordered the immediate destruction of the dwelling and looked at his schedule for his next list of inspections. He groaned. The scheduler at the office must have taken a dislike to him this week. The next inspection was one of the show homes from the Eco village. William shook he head. “Why can’t people just build normal homes, instead of using all these weird products. Unhygenic and unstable.. huphf”

William pulled up outside what looked to be a fairly normal home. He rapped on the door and was shocked to find his hand nearly went through the boards. He grinned and pulled out his precious paperwork and pen. Another easy one.

“Mr Pigge, Mr Pigge, Let me come in”

“Huh, what? I ‘m in the middle of something come back another day” came the muffled reply.

William frowned. ”Mr Pigge, you wouldn’t by chance have a relative in the commune?”

“Yeah, so what?” wafted the reply.

“Well I need to talk to you about him and you need to let me in, I’ve come about the inspection. I am Officer Baad from WOLF.”

An expletive and a crash of glass met Williams ears. He then detected a faint burning smell from inside. Suddenly the entire house set alight., the heat forcing William back towards his car.

“Oh well, saves me getting a destruction code on it.” He reasoned as he opened his door.

William called through his inspections and outcomes to head office as he watched the home melt to the ground.

“Officer Baad, you have authorization to bring both of the Piggs into custody. I will send through addresses of all known associates and relatives for your search.”

William had an aching head and he eye began to twitch. He had never had a illegal builder escape before, and to have two on the same day set their black marks on his pristine record was nearly too much for his pride and ego to take. He adjusted his tie and straightened his perfect woolen suit jacket.

Thirty five addresses later, William knocked on the door of William Pigge. It was a new stone home, built beautifully in an traditional style. From his practiced eye, Mr Baad, could see that there would be no infringements in this construction.

An officious voice asked him to state his business. As a reply to his demands to open the door, a large piece of parchment slid from under the door. William Baad bent over, but knew from the red wax seals that it was a letter of indemnity from the Mayor.

Three faces peered from behind the lace curtains, top of them waving cheerfully.

“Damn you Pigges! Don’t think you have heard the last for me. I’ll find a fault in your house and I will personally order its destruction.”

A second parchment found its way from under the door. William ripped open the red wax to find a letter of protection from the Governor.

He shouted profanities are the gleeful faces in the window and with the crumpled parchments in hand, withdrew into his car and drove off.

The three brothers extended the stone house and once all settled in, invited their mother around for tea on a regular basis.

They never heard from Mr Baad from WOLF again and they all lived happily ever after.


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3 comments:

Paul said...

Another take on the little pigs - there must be something in the collective unconscious.

I have to admit that all my sympathies lay with Mr Baad!

CHEFDRUCK said...

I love the personalities you gave your pigs. And the government as the big bad wolf. I had a lot of fun reading this and seeing what a different direction you went in with the 3 little pigs.

Doctor_Norf said...

I really liked yours as well, I thought it was very well written and well plotted. And the wolf is the sympathetic character but I had forgotten how smug the pigs were meant to be! I hope he gets them in the end!

ps, did anyone else read that in the original story the pigs eat the wolf? No one included that.